Friday, April 21, 2006

The Gambler

When I was 9 and my brother was 5, my grandparents decided to teach us a game that was both fun and math-based: blackjack. This might not seem like the most wholesome of activities for grandparents and grandkids to partake in, but these are also the people that had a fully stocked neon bar in their basement and would let me watch The Beatles' Yellow Submarine.

My brother and I instantly loved everything about blackjack: the felt table, the chips, yelling "hit me!" and my grandparents loved to see a 5 year-old kid doubling-down. A couple of months later, they decided to start teaching us poker.

At first, we played 5 card draw with all of our cards face up. This obviously takes away the bluffing aspect but memorizing the order of what-beats-what was definitely more imporant. From there, we graduated to the Texas hold 'em of the time: 7 card stud.

This was my grandfather's game. When he would get that 7th card face down, he would pick up his two down cards and shuffle them a couple of times. He would then look at them all very slowly and say, "Ahh, there's the stranger." I thought he was the coolest card player ever.

He might have let us win a lot, but he was also quick to point out when we were betting foolishly. "Grandaughter [he calls me that], do you see Theodore's pair? Unless you have something spectacular you have to bet him more aggressively. Make him earn it."

After a couple of years of playing just the four of us, we decided we wanted to open up the game. So after family dinners or Jewish holidays we would flip the dining room table boards to the felt side and deal in my parents, my aunt and uncle, or anyone who happened to dine with us that night and play 7 card stud. I usually lost when we played these big games. My dad, who was unable to ever let us win anything as children, was a decent poker player and he would bait my grandfather into playing for real. My mother and grandmother enjoyed the game, but weren't about to go toe-to-toe with either of their husbands, and I was just so eager to be involved in the action that I wouldn't fold a hand.

We continued to play poker after dinner at my grandparents house until they moved to California was I was 16. As we got older, the games got a little more competitive, and a little more based in actual skill. The one glorious night that I bluffed my father out of a pot was the highpoint in my amateur poker career.

Or it was until last night when I won $80 off of seven Princeton boys playing Texas hold 'em.

Thanks Gramps!

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Tommy can you hear me??

I can't believe I'm going to write this because it just confirms that I've been thinking WAY too much about it. But there it is. TomKat has produced a heir and it is wrong!!

Witness Katie Holmes circa January 2005: she's Punk'd by Ashton Kutcher, is making her biggest movie to date (Batman Begins) and has just broken up with her fiancee Chris Klein. She's 26 years-old, Midwestern, hot, and has a shitload of talent. I would have to say that she's in my Jennifer Garner category of celebrity girl crushes: hot, cool, friendly, normal seeming brunettes that I would have known in high school or college.

Kate (*cringe*) Holmes circa April 2006: she's just had a baby with Tom Cruise who is fifteen years her senior, she's a Scientologist, and her fiancee has gone all over the world proclaiming his love for her in between his assertions that Matt Lauer is glib, Brooke Shields needs vitamins, and silent birth is best for the baby.

WTF??

This whole situation is not normal. She's gone from this normal B-level actress who was on a seminal teen soap to this space-cadet-brain-washed-TomKat phenomenon. She is no longer normal, cool, or even that hot. Nothing that happens between the two of them is surprising because everything that happens involving the two of them is crazy. If Tom Cruise truly does LOVE her there are normal, healthy, and even cute ways to make this clear without jumping on furniture or PDA-ing his way across a red carpet.

We get it! You're in love!!! So are millions of other people who don't act like freak shows!! Nicole Kidman has to feel pretty good that she got out when she did, but don't you almost feel a little bad for her? Tom is making it clear that his love for her was of the typical, human variety while his love for Kate (natch) transcends boundaries--and good taste.

There is only one thing that is keeping me from giving up on Katie altogether: my everlasting faith in the failure of celebrity marriages. Even if she never does another movie, I wholeheartedly believe that they will not be together in five years. She will emerge from this Scientology-induced nightmare and go on Barbara Walters and cry and we will welcome her back with open arms because Tom and his freakish perfect smile are scary.

Pacey, do something!

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

It's baaaaaaaaaack!

Ok, folks baseball is back in all its glory. But I've been there and done that. Several times. No, this is about someone else's baseball addiction: The Sports Guy. My brother has worshipped at his altar for a few years and I think I might now too. He writes about baseball, The O.C., RR/RW Challenges, his woman (Sports Gal), the trials and tribulations of fatherhood, and did I mention the Red Sox? Yes, he is one of SoxNation which is alternately hilarious (Johnny Damon aka Judas in CF) and a little psycho:

"I can't even speak right now. Why throw Foulke out there? Why? Couldn't we enjoy one satisfying Opening Day win in peace? Now I'm going to spend the rest of the day worrying about this. Five-year grace period, five-year schmace period."

And I thought I was a Cubs fan, sheesh.

Nonetheless, the man has skills. He entertains, he cajols, he bitches, he moans, he's a gambling addict, he worships Michael Jordan, and he acknowledges that his job is awesome (which it is). What is also awesome about reading his columns is that, invariably, I will be talking to some guy who will then quote SG like he made up one of these little witticisms himself.

Caught you red-handed.