Sleeping Beauty
The scene:
8:30am on a Tuesday morning in January 1999. The phone rings.
Libberash: (groggily) hello?
Mr. Eddy: Hello? It's Mr. Eddy. Where are you?
Libberash: SHIT!
Phone clicks.
Scene.
What you've just read is a faithful reenactment of a conversation I had with my high school History teacher on the morning of my 8am final. I had overslept the first half hour because my mother was not there to drag me out of bed that morning. After that wake-up call, I hauled ass down to school and managed to finish the test within the two-hour window (without being penalized, thanks Mr. Eddy!) but it began a long stretch of futility in the oversleeping/alarm clock department.
I have mastered the art of the five minute wake up routine. I can get dressed, stuff food in my mouth and leave the house in a semi-respectable manner in five minutes flat. This has sadly become a necessity in my life because that hour that I spent snoozing has resulted in my alarm clock giving up and shutting off completely. I don't know if I'm proud of the fact that I have brought so many alarm clocks to their knees or embarrassed.
I have tried setting my alarm ten minutes fast. This doesn't work because I just subtract those ten minutes and rationalize my way into snoozing that one last time. I have tried two alarms. That doesn't work because I don't mind turning one off after the other. I have even tried putting my alarm not within arm's reach. That was the most impressive one. I heard the alarm, physically got up and turned it off---not even bothering with the snooze---and headed back to bed like nothing happened. That turned out to be the worst remedy of them all.
Again, I don't know whether to be impressed or embarrassed at my ability to not be roused. What I do know is that since I've started working it has not gotten better. I am one of those people that needs eight hours a night to be a optimally functioning human, and I don't remember the last time I got a full eight hours on a weeknight. I have had to take cabs to work on more occasions than I want to admit. I once sprinted from my house to the DNC in seven (!) minutes which was little consolation considering that it was 9:45am and I'd missed a 9am meeting.
These are only a small portion of the morning debacles that I have experienced and I guess I'm wondering, what can I do? More sleep is definitely the simplest answer with the most unlikely solution. I wish there was a job where I could sleep for a living. I should be rewarded for this kind of dedication to my sleeping! I have never uttered the phrase, "Well I'm up now" because that is never the case. I can fall asleep at any time, on any surface. I can fall asleep on my back, stomach, or side. And there is the famous story of my brother and I sharing a room on a family vacation when he was about 2 years-old. He fell out of bed and started screaming and I slept through the entire thing. That's pretty impressive in my mind. Shouldn't I get a medal for that?
Instead, all I have is two alarm clocks and a very unpleasant morning disposition.
8:30am on a Tuesday morning in January 1999. The phone rings.
Libberash: (groggily) hello?
Mr. Eddy: Hello? It's Mr. Eddy. Where are you?
Libberash: SHIT!
Phone clicks.
Scene.
What you've just read is a faithful reenactment of a conversation I had with my high school History teacher on the morning of my 8am final. I had overslept the first half hour because my mother was not there to drag me out of bed that morning. After that wake-up call, I hauled ass down to school and managed to finish the test within the two-hour window (without being penalized, thanks Mr. Eddy!) but it began a long stretch of futility in the oversleeping/alarm clock department.
I have mastered the art of the five minute wake up routine. I can get dressed, stuff food in my mouth and leave the house in a semi-respectable manner in five minutes flat. This has sadly become a necessity in my life because that hour that I spent snoozing has resulted in my alarm clock giving up and shutting off completely. I don't know if I'm proud of the fact that I have brought so many alarm clocks to their knees or embarrassed.
I have tried setting my alarm ten minutes fast. This doesn't work because I just subtract those ten minutes and rationalize my way into snoozing that one last time. I have tried two alarms. That doesn't work because I don't mind turning one off after the other. I have even tried putting my alarm not within arm's reach. That was the most impressive one. I heard the alarm, physically got up and turned it off---not even bothering with the snooze---and headed back to bed like nothing happened. That turned out to be the worst remedy of them all.
Again, I don't know whether to be impressed or embarrassed at my ability to not be roused. What I do know is that since I've started working it has not gotten better. I am one of those people that needs eight hours a night to be a optimally functioning human, and I don't remember the last time I got a full eight hours on a weeknight. I have had to take cabs to work on more occasions than I want to admit. I once sprinted from my house to the DNC in seven (!) minutes which was little consolation considering that it was 9:45am and I'd missed a 9am meeting.
These are only a small portion of the morning debacles that I have experienced and I guess I'm wondering, what can I do? More sleep is definitely the simplest answer with the most unlikely solution. I wish there was a job where I could sleep for a living. I should be rewarded for this kind of dedication to my sleeping! I have never uttered the phrase, "Well I'm up now" because that is never the case. I can fall asleep at any time, on any surface. I can fall asleep on my back, stomach, or side. And there is the famous story of my brother and I sharing a room on a family vacation when he was about 2 years-old. He fell out of bed and started screaming and I slept through the entire thing. That's pretty impressive in my mind. Shouldn't I get a medal for that?
Instead, all I have is two alarm clocks and a very unpleasant morning disposition.
posted by Libberash at 8:57 PM
3 Comments:
You just described all of my work day mornings. This morning I thought it would be good to blow dry and hot roller my hair (in addition to showering, finding sustainance, packing my bag and throwing on clothes in the half an hour I had to work with after hitting snooze 4 times this morning). Suffice to say it didn't happen. Hair is its usual mess of wild curls today. How other girls manage to look sleek and pulled together for work is beyond me.
I just don't understand "morning people."
I, also not being the strange and elusive 'morning person,' can understand why living with one (who plays techno each morning as part of her ritual) might be somewhat off-putting. I use my cell phone to rouse me. It (blessedly) has THREE alarms so that you could set it for various things throughout the day. For me, it acts as the 1. First alarm - this is the oneI am allowed to snooze. 2. Second alarm - to rouse me somewhat more than alarm one and hopefully to get me out of bed. 3. Third alarm - this is the one that wakes me up just in case alarm 1 and 2 failed to do so. This is generally the 'you will have to rush and not look nice but will be passable and make it to work only fifteen minutes late' alarm.
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