Ladder Theory or how I learned to start worrying that all my friendships with guys are doomed

When two such varied individuals as my brother and Alex both refer to a certain website, I know that it is probably worth a look. So at 3:30am on Saturday night I took a gander at Ladder Theory. Ladder Theory is kind of a companion piece to the Nice Guy Rant that seemed to sweep its way across campuses a couple of years ago. Ladder Theory breaks down this way: women have two ladders--one for guys they'd date and one for guys they only want to be friends with. Men only have one ladder for women in general, and they are placed on the rungs in order of "who would I rather sleep with" priority.

Right away this sounds like a conversation right out of When Harry Met Sally, and the movie is quoted on the website: Men and women can't be friends because sex always gets in the way.

And it does.

Every woman I know, myself included, has male friends who are placed squarely on the friends ladder with little or no hope of making the jump to the date-able ladder. Based on Ladder Theory then, these guys would much rather sleep with their girl friends than be buddies with them. So the question becomes, if a guy is on the friends ladder, does a girl have an obligation to tell him that? Would having an explicit conversation about his placement on a specific ladder ruin whatever friendship you already have?

This theory pretty much dashes any illusions that girls have that they may have formed important friendships with guys. As one guy I know put it, "Guys already have friends--they're called other guys." However, most of the girls I know value their friendships with guys as highly as they value their frienships with girls. We look to these friend ladder guys to give us insight into male behavior, to explain the infield fly rule to us, or to put into perspective a petty girl fight.

But the fact is, there always seems to be something unspoken between girls and guys that are friends. And it's almost always sexual. Either you have a past, regardless of what your current status is, or one or both of you is contemplating a ladder change in the present. I've rearranged ladders in both directions and it only makes things more complicated, not less.

Genuine girl-guy friendships may not be impossible, but they may be improbably for the long haul.