The uphill battle continues
If this blog had a theme, I guess it would be feminism. Disgust over an issue discussed in a history class was the impetus for the blog in the first place. In that vein, there was in article in the NYTimes yesterday that provoked all kinds of discussion among all of my friends. It was also the most emailed article of the day which meant that lots of people were talking about it.
It was about college women who are at elite schools who are planning now to either work part-time or not at all once they have children. They are planning this strategy so as to not fall into society's trap of "having it all" as our mothers fell into. To me, the basis of this article is problematic on many levels. The first and most glaring is that it's pretty easy to plan your future from the confines of your ivy league institution. I never claimed to know it all, (well, ok, I maybe I have but I'm recanting now) but I do know that college life vs. working life is very different. Like slap-in-the-face-that-was-not-at-all-what-I-was-expecting different. And remember, "having it all" includes having to pay all your bills.
Which leads me to my next point. These women assume that their partner will be able to support them, in the lifestyle to which they've become accustomed, with one income alone. This is not surprising considering I read it in the NYTimes, but it still leaves something to be desired. Why would you bust your ass for 18 years, get into a top college, maybe even go to law or business school, only to give it all up when your I-Banker husband knocks you up? What is that teaching your children, especially the girls? I am all for women having the choice of whether to work or raise kids (choice is the point of feminism), but wait until that time is upon you. Do not make any decisions now about someting that could be five, ten or fifteen years away. What if I held you to big decisions you made about your life when you were 14? That is, in effect, what these women are saying.
Seriously, talk to me in five years. Then I'll listen.
It was about college women who are at elite schools who are planning now to either work part-time or not at all once they have children. They are planning this strategy so as to not fall into society's trap of "having it all" as our mothers fell into. To me, the basis of this article is problematic on many levels. The first and most glaring is that it's pretty easy to plan your future from the confines of your ivy league institution. I never claimed to know it all, (well, ok, I maybe I have but I'm recanting now) but I do know that college life vs. working life is very different. Like slap-in-the-face-that-was-not-at-all-what-I-was-expecting different. And remember, "having it all" includes having to pay all your bills.
Which leads me to my next point. These women assume that their partner will be able to support them, in the lifestyle to which they've become accustomed, with one income alone. This is not surprising considering I read it in the NYTimes, but it still leaves something to be desired. Why would you bust your ass for 18 years, get into a top college, maybe even go to law or business school, only to give it all up when your I-Banker husband knocks you up? What is that teaching your children, especially the girls? I am all for women having the choice of whether to work or raise kids (choice is the point of feminism), but wait until that time is upon you. Do not make any decisions now about someting that could be five, ten or fifteen years away. What if I held you to big decisions you made about your life when you were 14? That is, in effect, what these women are saying.
Seriously, talk to me in five years. Then I'll listen.
posted by Libberash at 9:36 PM
3 Comments:
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There was so much about that article that disturbed me, my mom and I wrote a joint Op-Ed we sent in to the NYT. These women are making choices for themselves, not considering what is really best for their kids. Is it really best for Tristan or Ophelia to grow up as the center of Mommy's world? That's their choice to make, but I really resent the implication that moms who choose to work both in and out of the home must be doing an inadequate job at both. That's just moms who miss the workplace trying to justify their choices by making others feel badly for theirs.
Having recently had kids, I do think it is very hard to both work and focus on your kids. I chose to stay home, but am by no means militant about it. In fact, I love being with my kids, but frankly it is damn hard. Now that we are on one income, I do all the stuff I used to hire out - cleaning, laundry, blech. And tending to little ones is a full-time, all consuming, and even-though-you-love-them, sometimes boring job.
I think a good issue that article brings up is that, women still feel they have to make an either-or choice. And sadly, I think the reality is that RIGHT NOW, they still do. My other friends that have "dropped out" have little or no hope of going back to their Big Jobs where they were. There's no way. Some similar employers won't even consider them.
I for one think if women are even thinking about how they might fit a family life into their lives, that is a good change. More than I can say for our era of women, many of whom, sadly, are now marriage and child-less. And only because they were told to focus on their career first.
Thanks for letting me rant-ish. I hope your fellow commenter's letter gets published.
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